Why I became a nun?

Enjoyment

I worked as a tour guide before I became a nun, when I was working as a tour guide. I used to dress up well, had great fun by going to different places and meeting different types of people. I enjoyed my work very much. It was an exciting and enriching experience. I visited many parts of Myanmar.

Personal Suffering

Then, on one occasion, I went with some tourists to a hilly place in a forest. The place was full of mosquitoes and I suffered from mosquito bites and I was infected with malaria. Without knowing my situation, I went back to my home in Yangon. After a few days, at the middle of one night, my body felt feverish, and I suffered from very high fever.

My family members sent me to a hospital. I was admitted immediately. The malaria attack was so severe that I lost consciousness. It also affected my memory. When I woke up later, I could not regain my memory straightaway. At this point, I even forgot my family’s faces. My parents were in tears. Later, I could regain my memory. But my health was seriously damaged for some time as I could not walk and eat properly.

My mother had to bathe me and helped me to dress. I could not go to work. During that time, my morale was very low. I felt like a useless person, depending on people’s help all the time. I could not sleep nor eat properly. I could not walk as I was before. I felt very much sick in mind and heart.

My mother played many Dhamma talks for me to listen to, which were delivered by respected monks, especially Venerable Chanmyay Sayadaw. He is a meditation teacher, disciple of the most respected meditation teacher Mahasi sayadaw. Chanmyay Sayadaw is about 80 years old now. Here, Dhamma means the teachings of the Lord Buddha. There was one talk that went straight to my heart. It was about the “Four Noble Truths.” The First Truth is that “there is Suffering”. The Second is, “there is the cause of suffering (that means craving for sensual desires, craving for existence and craving for non-existence)”. The Third Noble Truth is “there is the cessation of all sufferings, Nibbāna”. The Fourth Noble Truth is the Eightfold Path, the way leading to an end to suffering.

I feel this teaching really explains my situation during that time. I determined to seek for the end of suffering. To do that, I have to practice the Eightfold Path that can be briefly summarised as the three trainings of morality, concentration and wisdom.

This teaching went inside my heart, and it unlocked the tension inside my heart and mind. I blamed myself for being so stupid all these years by working as a tour guide, and being so careless not to take care of myself since I was bitten by mosquitoes. Now I understand that suffering is a universal truth which was explained by the Lord Buddha. Everyone has to face with such circumstances such as suffering.  I, of course, cannot escape from it.

These Four Noble Truths also showed me the way to escape from the suffering. I should practice the Eightfold Path. I should perfect my morality and my concentration. Based on these two, then I could develop my wisdom to the highest level, and then I can attain the end of suffering, which is Nibbana.

Worship or Ritual

At the end of that Dhamma talk, the venerable monk recited the Buddhist chanting to take refuge in the Triple Gem. That means the Buddha as my teacher, His teaching-the Dhamma as my way of life, the community of monks and nuns, the Saṅgha, as my refuge. The Buddhist chanting required me to fold hands and bowed down to the Buddha statue in front of me as a sign of veneration, gratitude and respect.

By folding hands and bowing down, I feel it reduces my pride and conceit. I totally surrounded myself, my sufferings and my pride to the Buddha. My letting go of my ego, pride and conceit. There after, I did not blame myself for stupidity and carelessness.

That venerable monk was a meditation teacher. He told us, we should be mindful in whatever we do, even in the moment of eating or walking. So, I followed his advice. When I did the ritual of bowing down mindfully, I reduced my restless mind and increased my mindfulness and concentration. This actually improved my mindfulness and awareness.

Letting Go

My heart was healed to some extent in this sermon and the Dhamma talk. Since then I always felt that I ought to thank the Venerable monk named Sayadaw Chanmyay for his Dhamma talk.

By being able to accept my faults and mistakes, now I have found a new direction of life. I decided to renounce my world and become a nun. My purpose is to practice diligently the Buddha’s teaching and meditation. My mother supported my decision, although other members of my family did not like my idea of renunciation. But they did not opposed me and disturbed me with my religious life until now.  When I set up my own charity centre named Aggācāra International Theravāda Education and Missionary Centre last year, they supported me well.

Therefore, my spiritual transformation was due to seeing the reality of suffering through my sickness and transient nature of life.

Sayalay Aggavati (Chief Nun of Aggacara ITEMC)