Loving kindness and forgiveness

Recently in Feb 2016, I was teaching in Thabarwa centre to a group of foreigners who were travelling in Myanmar. Most of them were happened to stay in this centre for a few days. I was thinking, I tried to share the essence of Dhamma, without dwelling too much on ritual or superficial side.


I taught them loving-kindness combined with forgiveness. The reason was that I read lots of psychology books and realised people living in modern technology and stress society are not able to slow down, enjoy life and forgive one’s mistakes. I started with the normal way to radiate loving-kindness, and combine with forgiveness practice. I was quite surprised to hear the feedback at the end.

At first, I started with ‘May I be well and happy’ as a loving-kindness practice.
The usual way is wishing us in four ways:
May I be well and happy.
May I be free from mental suffering, - no stress, no sadness, no depression, no unhappiness
May I be free from physical suffering - no body problem. no cancer, no heart problem, no eyes problem…
May I take of myself happily.

Combining with visualisation, it will be more effective. I told them to visualise a golden light shinning from their hearts, and surrounding their bodies. Then, feeling the heart to be soft and gentle, and also wish ‘May I forgive myself.’.
The next step is loving-kindness towards dear one. Thinking the dear ones and loved ones sitting in front of us, we send our loving-kindness and golden light towards them. Just as we are happy to see them, and also feeling they are happy to see us, then this loving-kindness is more effective.

After dear ones, the next step is for neutral ones. Thinking about someone who we have just seen, he/she is an acquaintance; we neither love nor hate them. Just like they are sitting in front of us, we think ‘ May they well be  well and happy.’
Then when our loving-kindness is strong and real, we can try to think of a dislike or hatred one. At this point, it is important to forgive them. Thinking the advantages of forgiving others, such as having less hatred and aversion, life is too short to bear many grudges, and the desire to have happy and peaceful life, then one visualises the disliked one in front of us.  Thinking  “I forgive myself. I also forgive you for whatever problems you cause to me. “
Then we come back to our heart, and keep the loving-kindness back there. After that I asked for the feedback from the students as our Dhamma discussion. In this way, they will obtain benefit from the experience of others.

Most of them were able to practice loving-kindness to themselves, to loved one and to neutral one. As fordisliked ones, few cannot radiate loving-kindness to them as they could not forgive them.

A man said, he can forgive himself, but cannot forgive the disliked one. Another man said, he can forgive others, but he cannot forgive himself. He did not tell us his stories. I noticed, these responses came from the men. The ladies either can forgive themselves and others, and few ladies cannot practise this well as this was the first time for them.

The last time there was an elderly woman in my class. I asked her to describe the mother’s love to her children because the Buddha said, we should practise loving-kindness of a mother towards her only child. So, this woman said, “Sometimes they do not listen to my advice. Sometimes they do things made me very angry. But when they come back home, I still accept them.”  I confirmed that she had unconditional love, or love without boundary to her children.

Mind and Matter
It is not easy to teach the three universal truths i.e. Impermanence, suffering and non-self, especially the non-self. If I say, “There is no I, there is no you, there is no human.”, then my new students will be confused.

So, I emphasized on teaching mind and matter. The mind contemplates the body, the mind observes the body, the mind noting the legs movements in the walking meditation. The mind notes as ‘body standing, feet touching the ground’ in the standing posture. In this way, I tried to build up the knowledge of differentiating the mind and body. If they can clearly see the real one is only this mind or the body (matter), then they will know this self or ‘I’ is a concept.

Then I demonstrated with the book and pen. When I asked the students, they all agreed what I hold in my hand is a book. “There is a book.”. When asking them by pointing out the cover, the different pages. Then they notice, “ There is a cover, there are pages. There is no book.” This book is just an idea, or name. The real one is the cover which made of paper, and the pages that made of paper.

So also when I hold a pen and asked them, they agreed “There is a pen.” When I unscrew the pen’s cover, and take out parts and parts, they see, “There is a plastic cover, there is a plastic body, there is an ink, there is no pen.”In this way, they understand a pen is just a conventional truth or concept.  So also, this self and “I’ is a concept, the real one is mind and body.

Conclusion
As I can sharing my knowledge towards westerner foreigners who just happened to be in Thabarwa Centre, Myanmar for few days after travelling in many different parts of Myanmar. I know they are curious about Burmese culture. I tried to explain how the culture linked to Buddhism, such as the meaning of lotus, the different types of pagoda, the monk’s life. I also tried to teach the essence of Dhamma, that is freedom from mental defilement, ultimate truth of mind and matter, and conventional idea of this ‘I’, ‘mine’.

I had been teaching Dhamma for a few days, and few students attended a few classes. At this session, a student said, “I understand loving-kindness is supposed to be unconditional.”. Another said, ‘I understand there is only mind and matter.” I was happy that they get the essence of Dhamma.

In whatever ways possible, I did it logically and systematically. I combined the theory and practice together, that means sometimes half an hour talking and later half an hour actual practice. In this way, they can absorb the Dhamma right at that time and place. Hopefully, by planting a wisdom seed in their mind, this seed will sprout and grow into a beautiful tree of wisdom in the near future.

Sādhu, sādhu and sādhu.

The commentary of Indriyasaṃyutta

The commentary of Indriyasaṃyutta of the Saṃyuttanikāya Click here to download the file.